Something of an Opinion about Ex-Gay Ministries

As I see it, among the many there are two very attractive options for gay Christians: one is that we can magically become straight, and the other is that God blesses our homosexuality. There is a great deal of debate over both of these options, but the conservative Christian movement greatly supports the idea of reforming homosexuals. Before I allow myself to enter this particular rant, I should inform you that I have never participated in one of these “reparative therapy” programs. When I was a teenager, shortly after my mother became aware of my sexuality, I was encouraged to participate in one of these programs. I am fortunate that I was never forced to participate, probably because I did not engage in destructive behavior (or “act out” as she called it...but I dislike that term because it was stemming from the idea that I would naturally reject my Christian foundation if I accepted homosexuality).




When I used to read all of the testimonies of Ex-Gay poster boys (off and on between the ages of 11-15), I stopped really reading them in detail after about the 5-6 one I came across because the all followed the exact same pattern. Step 1: Have a trumatic childhood. Step 2: Deny your temptation through most or all of high school. Step 3: Go out into the world. Step 4: Get involved in the “gay scene” with clubs, alcohol, drugs, and promiscuous sex. Optional Step 4b: Enter into an ultimately doomed long-term relationship with one or more of your partners. Step 5: Breakdown and find the local Ex-Gay Ministry. I even wondered it I needed to hit rock bottom like all of these testimonies, then I would be convinced and convicted of God's will for my life, and then I could turn my humbled and sadder-but-wiser self over to him for “fixing.” It was this disconnect with the stereotype that made something about it seem wrong every time the prospect of attendance was put before me, so I resisted. In hindsight, I believe this was a blessing in my life in part because I spent a good deal of time discovering this issue on my own rather than being lead or even manipulated by others.




This is the general conclusion that I have since arrived at regarding these ministries.

1)There is no Biblical basis for these ministries.

In the verses that mention homosexuality in the bible, there is no mention of change or reparation. I believe that if it had truly been God's will for homosexuals to change their orientation, God would have outlined a plan.

2)God's promise of freedom from the consequences of sin does not imply freedom from temptation.

Regardless of the morality of homosexuality, sexual temptation is an issue that must be dealt with, but why is it that homosexual desire is the only sin for which the Church claims that God will completely remove the temptation from one's life? That makes no sense to me, because I do not believe that is how God operates. It is not as if we jump through a certain number of hoops and God says “Congratulations, you've passed this test, you're no longer gay!” Try substituting in the words “proud” or “greedy” or “tempted by porn” or “envious of your neighbors” or whatever sin is your personal weakness. Again, the whole idea of God erasing a temptation, any temptation, is ludicrous to me. I believe that God helps us through these issues, helping change our actions and training our minds to focus on what is of God, but we always have to face these issues. Therefore I believe that the Ex-Gay Ministiries are built on an outright lie, and one that I find to be fairly obvious.

It can be argued that homosexuality is unnatural and that homosexuals desires deviate from God's will for us, therefore one must redirect one's sexual desire to the desires the Lord has designed us for. This is all possible, but sin is unnatural by definition in that it is outside God's intended plan for the world. Temptation is the normal and inescapable consequence of living in this world. So I think this argument misses the point. Outside the context of marriage, lust is sinful no matter whom it is directed towards, so exchanging homosexual desires with heterosexual desires is not an exchange of what is natural for what is unnatural, but rather an exchange of a sin that is socially acceptable for one that is socially unacceptable.


3)The proposed causes of homosexuality (divorce, sexual abuse, distant father, unaffectionate mother, etc.) are misdiagnosed.

In general, the numbers and scenarios don't add up. If this postulation were true, then; single mothers would be at risk for raising gay children; foster children would also be at high risk for homosexuality, particularly those who are cycled through many homes; I would expect a much higher percent of homosexuality considering the divorce rates in America. (Additional note: While I freely admit that my own situation mirrors much of the scenario posted above, there are also many testimonies of gays and lesbians who come from very loving, stable family environments.) There are many types of homosexuals, so trying to find a very specific set of social causes for homosexuality is a red flag for over-generalization at the very least. I would argue that the factors listed above contribute to an emotionally-dependent person, but that is not connected to their sexual identity.

I grew up in a region where the family situation in many homes is exactly what is described. Girls get pregnant in high school, and the fathers often are absent for reasons ranging from prison to downright abandonment. This families raise sons and daughters who repeat the mistakes of their parents. In the end you don't have a society filled with homosexuals, you have repetitive generations of people who are desperate for affection (I would argue God's love), but are deceived into thinking they can find it in dating, drugs, alcohol, and sex. They are desperate for someone or something to supply them with the constant and unconditional affection that they lacked in their childhood.

The idea of a affection-desperate person connects to the Ex-gay Ministries in a very crucial way. These people are, like myself, possessed of very addictive personalities and we struggle with the temptation of seeking escape and pleasure and affirmation from a variety of unhealthy sources. This matches the poster-boy scenario I mentioned at the beginning of this post, we are broken people, but (promiscuous and unhealthy) homosexuality is just one outlet, and not a cause. Homosexuals are no more disposed to a destructive lifestyle than are heterosexuals except that our situation perpetuates the situation much as the situation in my hometown in perpetuated. Individuals seek acceptance and affection in the gay community, and get trapped by the same deception that traps the existing population of that community. There are two few public role models building healthy homosexual relationships, and in most cases we can't ask our parents about this issue because they have no clue.

In the end, the difference lies in the behavior, and not in the heart. This individuals find escape from their addictive lifestyles, but that isn't really the change that these ministries claim to be giving. It is certainly not the impression that a pre-teen me got from reading their literature and advertising campaigns.




I will concede that if homosexuality is a psychological disorders, then it would follow that steps can be taken to address this issue. That being the case, most psychological disorders (I dare not say all, but I am lacking in a counterexample at present)-- depression, schizophrenia, addiction, dementia, etc. -- are beyond our capability to cure. At best these issues are "managed." Moreover, most established, respected, and objective psychiatrists do not treat LGBT issues as psychological disorders. (There is a reason why Paul Cameron and the American Psychological Association parted ways after Cameron founded the Institute for the Scientific Investigation of Sexuality.)



It has been my experience, regardless that my homosexuality does not wax or wane.



p.s.

I love Misty Irons's commentary on the situation...of course I am biased by my respect and admiration for Misty Irons in general.